Recently, my friend and I started a discussion about women marrying younger men. She said she won’t settle for a younger man, and even when she had to choose a younger man, she’ll opt for a year or two age difference.
However, she doesn’t have any qualms with women who are into younger men. We argued about how society had an influence in the position she was taking. Men marry younger women all the time and it’s supposed to be the norm, no one raises an eyebrow when men choose younger women. So why must it be an issue for the opposite gender?
In order to put a closure to the issue, Afrikanmum.com decided to interview both men and women about the issue.
Mr. Atik believes that it isn’t a “big deal to him” to marry an older woman as relationships are all about love and understanding. But he was quick to add, “It depends on the gap too, if it’s not too wide, no big deal”
Nana Antwi said he has personally never dated anyone younger because of his prejudice of young people. “They come with a lot of stress” . He explains that, “there is something about age that we can skip only if we want to and that’s experience and somewhat maturity”.
Abdallah believes as long as they are in love and there is mutual respect and commitment, he doesn’t have a problem with age, although the gap shouldn’t exceed eight years. “I believe age is just a number and with the right partner, it is never an impediment to settling down”.
Ammar says it is a definite yes for him when it comes to settling down with an older woman. He however posited that, she must not be too old to give birth, and must not have lost her sexual dexterity. He explains that it shouldn’t be too apparent that she’s older. “I appreciate women with greater experience in life, women who have built wisdom over the years, having survived the vicissitudes of human life”. He added that ” I am an ambitious young man, I need to count on my wife or partner in making the most important decisions in life. I am settling down with a life guide, not a sex toy”.
“Younger women come with a lot of “drama”, he added.
Bismark on the other hand says it depends on the age difference. “If the difference is two or three I don’t mind”.
He says he needs a woman who will respect, appreciate, cherish and love him unconditionally.
“Marriage is a lifetime venture and so I want a woman that will give me peace at home”.
There are too many Internal battles I may be fighting so I don’t want a woman that will be an additional battle for me.
When all these factors are satisfied, I wouldn’t mind marrying a woman of two or three years difference.
Fahd said for him, women grow faster than men and men love women who are good looking.”if she’s older than me and she keeps her body in good shape” why not?
Fahd said, someone like Sister Debbie is a beautiful woman, although older than him. He will not think twice about settling down with her. “it’s all about taking care of yourself well”..
For him, he expects his “woman”, older or younger to accord him respect and he will do same for her.
So we asked the women, will you settle down with younger men? Here are some of the answers we got…
Samira, not her real name said if I had asked the question about choosing a younger man six months ago, she would have given me 1000 reasons why she wouldn’t mind settling down with someone younger than her. She added that “right now I can’t boldly say” she ended a relationship some months ago with someone she was older than.
“I was four years older than him even though it wasn’t obvious”. She said it was his maturity that attracted him to her but she noticed later he was immature. Samira believes he was now coming out of his shell to explore and hence the relationship ended terribly. She was doubtful if she will want to settle for someone younger for now. But also isn’t shutting the door completely though.
“I always consider how I feel around the person and how I am able to reason with the person so anything can happen”.
We at afrikanmum.com wish you well in your next relationship.
Farida believes age shouldn’t be a limitation in marriage once the two have agreed to be together.
“I personally would love to settle with someone 10years older than me because of my stature and the perception that he would treat me better”
But come to think of it,some young men can be sweet and caring and will treat you better than you can think of.
She said a lot of reasons why most women love to settle with older men is because they feel they are more responsible which shouldn’t be the case.She concluded though that It was time we go in for what we want even if society thinks it’s wrong so far as it isn’t unislamic, one shouldn’t shy away from it.
Janie says her parents are an example of a relationship of the woman being older than the man. “I think all is about our principles and maturity of the younger partner”. She adds that, if you can accept it, it’s cool or if you can handle it then leave the relationship.
But she said that’s not a kind of relationship she will go in for. She recounts a relationship she went in sometime back. “he knew my age but didn’t tell his after 2 or 3 months of seeing each other”. She said she got to know of his age when she was helping him apply for something online. ” I was shocked like for two weeks, I couldn’t believe it,I started seeing myself as his big sister”
She explains that, for her she can never be in a relationship with somebody younger than her. Her disappointment was in the fact that he knew her age and lied about his.
Emelia believes that there is no way she will date a man younger than her nor will she want to marry one. ” I have a very strong personality and even a man way older than me will struggle to manage”. She explains that to avoid such conflicts , she prefers way mature men, ideally 10 years older. She added that, she likes financial comfort and usually men her age are still building their lives. “I have dated men my age before and we fought everyday. They are often heavily insecure and still playing around with women”.
Although she believes that there are exceptions in life, ‘if i find a man my age with good money, a level head, stability and maturity, I will consider it”.
She adds, younger men are a whole different ball game and I cannot bring myself to date younger.
Sheri believes knowing yourself better will influence the kind of man you choose to share your life with. “My personality will not let me settle down with a younger man”. Most of them lack maturity. I will rather settle for a man older than I am. Some older men come with maturity, also because of the life experiences and possibly because of shared interests.
“I hate Drama and emotionally unstable men” which she says she sees in most younger men. She adds, “when it comes to younger men, it’s a NO! for me”.
Society must begin to respect individual choices of partners irrespective of gender. As long as the marriage isn’t an underage marriage and the couple in question have decided to settle down. Respecting their choices shouldn’t be that hard, irrespective of age difference.
Featured Image Credit: Wellness Universe