It is public knowledge that when a girl is born, the ultimate aim is to groom her to become a good keeper of her future home. And for those interested in marriage – a good wife for a man she hasn’t met yet.
We often hear our parents say their daughters must grow up as virtuous women for the God-fearing man. But in waiting for the God-fearing man, do women also have a choice as to the kind of man they want to settle with in future?
Often, it’s the men who go public with their specifications such as ‘I’m looking for a tall woman’, ‘I need a woman with coca-cola shape (curvaceous)’, ‘I need a woman who is fair or dark-skinned and possibly a short one’ etc.
But do we also deserve same in deciding on the kind of husband to choose?
Afrikanmum.com spoke to a few young women on their choice of a partner and these are some of the responses we got:
I haven’t paid much attention to physique. I am a highly ambitious lady, I have so much plans on my desk. So I just believe I should get a man who won’t hinder this process with his insecurities. I need someone who believes in mutualities. We work together to achieve a common goal. And oh he should be doing fine as in having a good job. As for the fear of Allah, I pray Allah reveals it through our interactions. Finally I cherish peace of mind. He should give me that and I will equally not distort his 🤷🏻♀
“Ummm I would like someone who is my best friend, someone who understands my ideals and what I stand for,and encourages and supports me to pursue my dreams. Someone who has a vision for himself and humanity ,and who is responsible. Most importantly someone who helps me get closer to my creator and who wants to meet me in Jannah.
For looks I don’t really have specifics, his looks should reasonably help me lower my gaze”.
“I am not too focused on physical attributes. But if I am I would want him to be at least taller than me. The most important thing for me is job security which leads to financial security. There’s nothing more important for me in a relationship knowing that we are financially secured. I like the thought of going to bed knowing that we don’t owe anyone. So yes job security is very very important to me”.
“My vision for the selection of a partner in a relationship or marriage would be based on his religious belief. I will lookout for a Muslim man and I pray he is a good one because Allah is the only one that can really tell, then I pray he is taller than me. I lookout for shared interests and goals.
Finally! if he has a Job!”
” There is a saying that the more you live the more you learn. The community that I find myself in, has been a learning playground for me hence influenced my decision arriving to a handful of things to look for in a man. I will always look out for the employability/job security of a man since I have enjoyed financial freedom, I wouldn’t want a man who is unemployed or dependant on a job that is not secured”.
“Short men are really not my “type” when it comes to relationships. I mostly prefer my man a bit taller/tall,not toooo long, than me. Feels good and romantic being close to the heart, wrapped in his arms just to feel his heartbeat. I never want to picture my man short walking with me in heels and he’s below you. Under your ampit, looking all “mummy son” because you gained extra height. It’s a turn off for me.Complexion doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s cute, I’m cool.
In terms of job security ,which is mostly my top most priority. At least you know your partners’ job is 100% secured. No need stressing in the next years how to survive or looking for jobs. You both are able to make long term plans in everything, fulfilling desires & family needs confidently with total assurance. Gain self-respect & social status”.
Physique is as important as financial security, because I love to look at him and feel happy, have adorable kids that look like him, as in mini he and me. Dark guys are my thing, in as much as a man is supposed to provide for his family, I have a mind to take care of myself and family in the absence of his. All I crave for is for a man to support my dream, give me near to absolute peace of mind, give me attention and so much pampering.
In all what our ladies are saying, they want to be able to select a spouse who is a bit taller than them, beyond everything. They want a man who will give them peace, stability and security. But they don’t want a short man.